He Knows
by cici.mel1978
Summary: Raph's p.o.v of the story "I Just Wanted." Casey and Raph have been keeping their relationship from the others and his brothers have been on his back about liking a girl. He wasn't sure what would be the right time to tell them so went along with "dating" Mona and he's sure Casey knows how important he is to him. Right?


Disclaimer: I do not own TMNT . Hope you guys enjoy the story. If you wish you can read "I Just Wanted" to get Casey's p.o.v. This is a male pairing of course. Please review and enjoy!

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"Aw, wasn't that so sweet," Mikey coos at me and I can hear snickering from a few directions as my cheeks heat up. Bad enough she picked me up to kiss me, but now I have to deal with this. My eyes roll at my baby brother before giving him a smack upside the head.

"Shut it, idiot," I snort. My other brothers laughing is loud and clear along with April but there's a lack of dark hair and a hockey mask. At first I think it's nothing but I can't remember a time he's not at my side lately. Somewhere. Somewhere close.

Suddenly I can't breathe. Everyone's muffled as I look around frantically. I remember Casey coming back on the ship with us after the mission. The room feels cold as I start moving.

The voices get louder, but I don't care. There's just one I want.

Where is he? Where? I kept looking around, and no matter where my eyes went I couldn't catch sight of him. A feeling of dread came over as I remember that look on his face right before she kissed me. I swallowed and kept looking, my eyes frantic from one spot to another.

Where could that bonehead be? Was the ship that big? My heart's beating faster, pulsing against my ears.

That last mission didn't matter. Mona wasn't that important. Casey knew that. He had to know that, right?

One glimpse of a hockey stick and I'm running towards it. I never thought I saw anything that perfect. My legs ached. Arms still sore but I couldn't lose him.

"Casey!"

My voice echoed. He heard me, right? He had to hear me…

No, he's still walking, and now my heart is sinking. Running. Running faster. Was he always this fast? Were my legs always this slow?

"Case...," It wasn't even a yell this time. I choke on my own words. This can't be it…

I shake my head. No. No! My hands shake. I push myself faster.

"Don't bother."

My eyes widened. My feet turn the lead. The tone sounds all wrong from his mouth, but I know that I heard it. I try breathing. Forcing one foot in front of the other. I was the strong one. I always have to be.

Why won't he stay still? Stay. Don't leave. I won't beg.

. .

I run after him faster. At least I think it's faster. The stupid bonehead won't stay still, but I refuse to beg. I refuse.

I…

"Please...,"

"No!"

He didn't even bother to look back at me, but his voice is ringing in my ear. Broken. Messed up. I didn't know how else to describe his tone.

His feet stop, and I feel like I can breathe. His eyes stop me. Wrong. All wrong. His face. A smile? A smirk? Something? His eyes full of anguish but I'm trying to find the love in them.

I keep screaming in my head that he should know. Why should I explain something that's been so clear? Because it's been clear. Clear as day. Hadn't it?

I'm racking my brain for moments. Times where I got it wrong. Got him wrong before looking at him closer.

"Just listen…,"I move closer. He moves back. He's not even looking at me anymore. Is he listening? This is all so wrong.

Be mad like the first time. Be pissed like the second.

Casey...

I swallow, looking around for some answers. I can't let him leave. I can't. The door to his room is so damn close. Too close.

"I didn't. I didn't think…," I come closer to him. He doesn't move and breathe. He's so close. So damn close.

I touch his shoulder, and he jumps.

Away…

Away from me…

My heart is sinking. I wish I had hair to pull. I can't let him leave. He's mine. MINE! I dare anyone to say different. I search the floor for answers as my head drops.

The floor looks cold. I can see his feet, so close yet so far from mine. I look up, but he's not looking at me.

What do I do? Someone tell me what to do...

Because I just don't know. And if I lose him…

No, no I can't.

I come closer again. His fists curl up. His form shakes. I want to hit him. Kiss him. Make all this shit go away. He's shaking, biting his lip. My feet stop, and all I can hear is us breathe. I try reaching out to him.

"Don't touch me...," he growls. My hand stops as I feel sick to my stomach.

No. No. NO! I don't know what else to scream in my head.

No to him leaving. No to him going. No to him being…

This.

My hand stays in the air. Between us in a gap way too large.

Answers. Answers…Where are they? I'd even take Leo's bullshit right now. I stare at my hand. Just staring. Looking at it. I feel unsure of everything around as I come apart at the seams.

The answers aren't anywhere. I have nowhere else to go but straight, to him. Leo always says that I never have a plan.

And I don't. I just want him to stay...

With me.

I move closer. He shakes more, but I keep coming.

I don't know what else to do…

"Stay the fuck away!"

Pure rage. Fury. That's his voice right now before I feel the hit to my chest. It hurts, but he's here. He hasn't left, so I smile. I laugh. Everything's so wrong.

But he's here.

He's here...

He keeps hitting me, screaming at me to leave. To go back to Mona. I stand there wincing. Wincing and smiling. A smile so crooked, and goofy it'd put Mikey to shame. The pain is there, but he's here. He's here.

I could laugh at myself right now. I'm losing it, but he's here.

He just keeps screaming. Hitting. I don't know how much more I can take, but him leaving would hurt more…

The hits get fewer and farther in between before he's limp against me. My arms go around him. The air is still. Nothing but silence. He hasn't moved, but my plastron is wet.

He's crying.

Casey Arnold Jones is crying. It's insane. It's wrong. Casey doesn't cry. He never cries. Not even when we had to leave and had nothing left as we watched our planet destroyed before our eyes.

Yet here he is. And I did something nothing else seemed to be able to do.

That stabs me somewhere that his punches never touched. I've been bruised and beaten before but this…

His tears are on me. His body shaking in my arms, and his head never rises. The position is so awkward with him being taller than me, but I don't care...

"I'm sorry Case," I whisper to him but the sobs get louder. A strangled, wrenching sound comes out that pushes the invisible knife deeper inside of me.

"I...I'm…," he's barely audible, and my heart stops.

I can hear the words that he wants to say in between each of his tears. His voice is so damn soft. I just hold him tighter.

No. Don't you dare! I'm screaming so loud in my head, my skull is throbbing.

I refuse to let him say it. How the do I stop this from happening?

"It's…," I keep searching for the words to end this whole thing and make this all right. I never thought that I'd wish to be the Brainiac as bad as I do right now. I needed an answer. Hell, I'd take even being Mikey; maybe a joke would work.

"Case…," I just repeat his name again. It's about the only thing that I'm sure of. He still doesn't look up or at me. He hasn't looked at me since…

Did I let it go too far? One look at the boy in my arms gave me the answer to my question.

"It was s'pposed to be a joke…," I could remember that he laughed. My brothers did too. It was just a stupid joke at first, one dumb joke. My brothers had been asking questions. Why I didn't have anyone. It was just one joke to make them look the other way.

"But then...," I swallow again. I fought to keep my voice steady, "It turned out that she liked me…"

I felt him stiffen. The world stills before he starts to move again, but I trap him in my arms. He growls. He's trying to leave again.

Leave me. Leave us. I hold him tighter. Tight as I can. My breathing shaky but I don't dare lose my grip on the boy in my arms.

"I just ain't expect her to even want me," I whisper close to his ear. Hoping. Praying that he'd listen. I wasn't sure what else to say, and then he just stopped. A chill goes through me as he stays there in my arms. So close, so far.

"Ya bros. Everyone. They like her."

I blink. What the hell? I stare at the boy in my arms. His bitter laugh washes over me like ice cold water. My ears ring hearing his lifeless tone.

"She's more normal for you, right? That's why you forgave her. She's easier…the better choice. "

I keep staring. Each word a stab and a punch to the gut. Does know what he's saying? My fear twists and turns as I feel something else build inside of me, primal rage taking over.

"No!" I start shaking him while gripping his shoulders. I don't give a damn who likes her. I don't care if my brothers do, if April does, or whoever else he might mean. I just grip him tighter, hoping that he feels it and hoping to see some life come back those eyes, praying that he'll finally look at me.

"Fuckin' bonehead! I love you! You! Not her!" I can't stop screaming at him. My throat feels raw. I only care when those dark eyes finally look at me.

Filled with pain and broken with tears.

I want it gone.

"I'll tell them. Don't leave," I grab his hair, forcing him to look at me. My eyes sting at the corners. Wet cheeks follow. I'll tell the whole damn world if it keeps him here. No more secrets.

He's the one that I want to taste. Feel. Touch. My head leans against his and I breathe heavy. My heart is beating fast.

Suddenly his lips are on mine. Rough with ragged breaths between each kiss. Teeth clash, then I taste blood before our tongues meet. It's hot and heavy. I try to win the fight but then it becomes too much.

All that I see, hear and think about is the boy that is in front of me. The boy that's taking my breath away.

My Casey Jones.


End file.
